i'm just a girl trying to find her place in this selfish world.

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i am contemplating whether i should quit school or just continue with it...???

reason(S):

1. its too exhausting and too demanding
2. my working hrs are long
3. the lessons became too boring for my liking
4. NO INTEREST ALREADY...

i know i like the course and all but somehow it doesn't feel right if i chose to continue with it...

i don't know...HELP!!!!!

letting go is hard.

nobody say it was easy.

but i'm ready.

i want to move on.

i want to let go.

it takes time.

but i'll get there.

and when i do,

i know i'll be at a better and happier place.

sans him.

but he will always be in my heart.

forever and for always.

alright. my assignment has been stressing me out real bad that it had come to a point where i see no use in continuing with the research and just log on to youtube and indulge myself in Beyonce's video marathon.

i know i should be worried about the grades and i am but(and this is not just some excuse i made up) the assignment was full of misleading info. and being the good student that i am,i already e-mailed the lecturer abt it and hopefully he will clarify it to the class 2mrw with clearer explainations. And that will then help me alot in finishing it. I don't see the point in doing something and then realise that what i had been doing wasn't what was expected of me because the info/instructions given was misleading.

eventho' the deadline is like next mon, i know i can get it done. well, a part of me know...the other part just wish someone would do it for me...come to think of it, it's really really hard to juggle both werk and school...i used to think i could handle all that stress but apparently nothing prepare me for the extreme stress im experiencing right now. and it's not just the assignment. its about how am i going to revise for the exams which is a month away(exactly!) when i'm werking 12-hrs and going to school at the same time.

I really really wish i could ask for leave or maybe perhaps switch some off days here and there but with so little manpower for the shop, i shouldn't be so selfish i guess. afterall, we are a team right. and so far, my team has been supportive in me further pursuing my studies. no complaints and no bad feelings that sometimes i get to leave early due to classes which starts at 7pm till 10pm...and i really appreciate their understanding. i couldn't ask for more.

sometimes i question myself, "What the fuck did you get yourself into?"... Like i have regrets for continuing my studies at this period when we're so short of staff...then the voice of reason said to me "How are you supposed to know it'll get all fucked up..?" and i felt so much better...hahahaha ( I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS PARAGRAPH HOLD ANY MEANING TO IT OR NOT...)

anyways i just hope i ace the assignment and the exams...to prove to me that it's worthy of my time,effort,commitment and of course,money...coz i'll be very very disappointed if i don't...

alritey gotta get back to my beyonce video marathon...

im outs!

i don't know what emotions to project right now...

Jealous.

Angry.

Sad.

Indifference.

Saw his picture dancing with a woman(a fren sis-in-law,he said)...i know i had no reason to not believe him...i wasn't der nor do i know his circle of friends but somehow there's a heavy feeling in my heart wen i saw those pics..first reaction was of course,JEALOUSY...and then it hits me that he wasn't even mine to begin with...so SADNESS came into the picture...tears came out and i can't seem to stop them...am i angry?no. he's a free man...(atleast that's wat i keep telling myself)...

i know there will come a time when i have to let go of him...

i know he will never ever be mine...

i know for a fact that i deserve a better someone...

but despite all the "I-Know", my wasted heart still...

loves him.

cares for him.

yearn him.

and stays faithful to him...

i tried really really hard to push aside all those feelings that's building up in my heart..but i just can't...no matter how i try to ignore it, it will still be der...and no matter how many times i confronted it,it's still der...and cause of this i know, i have love him so deep...

is there even way out now for me...???

"my only weakness is YOU...
my only reason is YOU..."

I'm exhausted.





Mentally.





Physically.





Emotionally.


I have truck loads of school stuffs to finish up and read up. That alone is enough cause serious brain exhaustion.

Work have been very very tiring also. We are so short of staff that we found ourselves handling more than 2 customers at one time. And it's the holiday season some more. I am running around the store more than i had run around my school's field in my entire life. So that's the cause of physical exhaustion.

As for emotionally....I am actually not too sure what is the cause. Cause as far as my "LOVE" life is concerned, i think everything is emotionally exhausting...Is it so hard to commit,MAN? Is it so hard for u GUYS to show your true emotions?

Anyways, i guess all of the above exhaustion is temporary.*cross-fingers*

If it turns out to be long-term for any of them, i'm sure the white flag is coming out soon...

i'm outs.

okae...i've stopped counting just how many blogs i already had not including the ones i deleted or totally forgot what my sign-in username was...reasons? well, i had too many i guessed...and my attention span on blogging is seriously cut to the minimal...i mean who in the world blog when there's absolutely nothing to talk abt??? sigh!

anw,i'm not promising any colourful or eventful or insightful entries but i will atleast promise to update regularly and put up some interesting pictures or maybe an even better layout...if i can afford the time and all...

so,was at the new HARRIS @ Jurong Point store just now and i must say, the store is amazing...basically because i think the deco is so much more nicer and the lights ain't that harsh on your precious lil' eyes and its still new and i could just go on and on...but what makes the store really really amazing is the people who made it work...people like Rosa,Juliana,Ras,Siti Sub,Adam,Idah,the CSEs,Christopher(the head honcho!) to name a few...(if your name is not on the list,do forgive..just too lazy to add in)...

and when i was there today, i found it super hard to leave the place...it's like my mind says "go home sleep..." but my heart and feet says "stay...u know u miss being around them a great deal..." and honestly speaking i do miss them...like truck loads...i mean i laughed,shed a couple of happy tears with them...gotten mad at some of them and i think we shared a really special bond...and now that they're no longer at the SUNTEC store, i can't help but felt like i lost a part of what made my days at HARRIS enjoyable and most memorable... we had our differences,come'on who doesn't right...but at the end of the day i knew i could count on them if shit doesn't go my way...i knew i had all those different shoulders to lean on and them ears to listen to watever im ranting at...i knew i had made true friends...

i'm sad..i'm not denying anything...but hey Rosa said "...you know you are welcome to crash at our store anytime you want..." i'm so gonna take her word for it lar...so JP staff,be prepared to see ME in your store during my off days..disturbing u guys and making it like my 2nd house...abut i promise nothing of the extremes...and siti sub,i won't throw your stationaries all over the place ok...i just make u go on a treasure hunt ey???hahahaha...

ok..i guess that's about it for now...finally my eyes decided to slowly close them lids...which mean soon i'm heading to slumberland which means i hafta wake up at approx. 6 hrs...which means i'm so gonna be dead tired at werk 2mrw...SIGH!!!!!

i'm outs!